Many people, when seeking personal growth, are told that in order to release the negative emotional burden they have carried for years, they need to forgive those who have hurt them in the past. Often, their initial reaction is negative. They believe that forgiving someone is the same as condoning or accepting the actions that caused them pain.
Do You Forgive the People Who Have Hurt You?
The truth, however, is very different. You forgive the people who have hurt you, not because they necessarily deserve forgiveness, but because you don’t want to keep suffering and hurting yourself every time you remember what they did. You forgive to heal yourself. Forgiveness is an act of self-love.
As children, we forgave effortlessly and naturally, because we are born with the capacity to forgive. As we grow older, we learn the opposite behavior and practice it instead. Often, because of our sense of pride, we magnify in our minds the actions that hurt us, making it difficult to forgive. But when you forgive someone who has hurt you, you take back your power and allow yourself to feel happier and more fulfilled.
Here’s a good way to start, using four simple steps:
Make a list of the people you need to forgive. As you process each person on the list, remind yourself that their intention was not to hurt you. Often, people act unconsciously to protect themselves, not to cause pain.
Release negative emotions physically. Use a pillow you can hit with all your force, thinking about the person who hurt you, or a punching bag. When we release negative emotions through the body, the effect is often faster and more powerful.
Write a letter to the people who hurt you, expressing everything you wish you could say. Read it aloud as if they were listening, and write down the response you would ideally like to hear from them.
Internalize a broader perspective. Understand that these people have their own conditioning and perceive love differently. They may have acted out of fear, without fully understanding the causes behind their behavior that caused you pain.
If you meet or think of someone who hurt you and no longer feel any negative emotion—or even feel love toward them while they remain in your life—know that you have succeeded in forgiving them. It’s worth it. Try it—you will feel the freedom and peace that come from true forgiveness!