In a relationship, it’s natural at times to want to express a desire, or to feel angry, disappointed, or hurt by something your partner has done. But what happens when you try to communicate, and your partner remains silent instead of responding?
How does that make you feel?
The most common reaction is to feel disconnected from your partner, because they aren’t responding to your needs or concerns. You may even feel completely invalidated, not only because they haven’t replied, but also because they’ve shifted the conversation to another topic, ignoring what matters to you.
Where Does Silence Lead?
The pattern of “silence” in a relationship is a classic sign that communication and intimacy between partners are not functioning properly. Some psychologists refer to it as the “demand-withdrawal” pattern. Researchers have conducted over 74 separate studies involving more than 14,000 people, all concluding that this behavior in a couple is highly dysfunctional.
The partner who feels ignored and receives no response gradually begins to store negative emotions, which can lead to conflict or complete withdrawal from the relationship.
The next time this happens, explain to your partner how their behavior makes you feel and the impact it has on your relationship. Use this opportunity to set a new framework for communication. And, of course, if you are the partner who tends to withdraw or resort to silence, it’s time to reflect and make a change as well.